Nothing Post

Ugh. I need more sleep or something. I’m having trouble focusing. I have about three posts I want to write, plus I’ve been responding to comments all afternoon and my brain feels like it’s about to blow a gasket. Oh, and there’s also work that has to be done at some point.

Random memory: I mentioned this in the comments a little while ago. Right after the revelation, I was a little crazier than usual and told my wife about the hundreds of emails in the private email account I used to contact Scarlet. I thought I was doing the right thing by being open and honest with her. I told her what was in them and it made her suicidal. Well, I had emailed this info to my wife and CCed a friend who was kind of an accountability partner. This friend saw what I wrote and quipped to his wife “What’s wrong with him? Is he on the [autism] spectrum?”

Well this guy also happened to be the one I was supposed to contact if things took a dark turn, shall we say. So imagine how I felt when his wife relayed his comment to my wife. Yeah. He still doesn’t know I know and for the most part I’ve excused the comment. I mean, I did do something pretty stupid. And it was a minor comment. Still, it felt an awful lot like I couldn’t do anything right even when I was trying.

I’ve come to the conclusion that in general I don’t think and feel the same way other people do. I empathize with them, but not generally in the right way. It’s almost as if when I get it right it’s because I had a lucky guess as to what the appropriate emotional response should be. I’ve often felt that way – that my emotions, as least as they are expressed to others, are merely a reasonable facsimile of the appropriate reaction based on a thorough analysis of the situation.

I’m not sure I believe this anymore, but there are still times when the phrase “emotionally autistic” gets tossed around as a joke that’s maybe not quite a joke. For example, I still have trouble empathizing with my wife regarding the affair. I’m deeply sorry for what I did to her, but where the empathy would be if it was my sister who had been betrayed, instead there’s just nothing. Not hate, not sorry, not sympathy, not happiness. Just nothing. I can’t cry for her the way I would if I was watching a movie of our lives. I just feel dead inside sometimes.

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About Anonyman

Recovering adulterer and husband of an awesome wife who has given me a second chance. Sinner and Christian, saved by grace alone. I cuss a lot
This entry was posted in Teh Crazy, The affair. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Nothing Post

  1. Hey don’t blame me!! LOL! Seriously get your work done.
    This song should help you get all your work done and focus.

    Like

  2. Nephila says:

    In my husband (and his whore’s) professional circles being “aspie” is the ultimate compliment, a proxy for being too smart to understand dumb people. I don’t think this is any kind of ASD type behaviour I think you just aren’t standing in your wife’s shoes. How would she feel with you tossing it out there like it was just another little detail? And I see your reaction is that telling her was a mistake. No, telling her was the right thing to do but you did it callously. Sometimes it’s not aspie, it’s just being mean.

    Like

    • Anonyman says:

      It was not meant as a complement, I assure you. This person meant it as a put down, not as a diagnosis, nor did I take it as such.
      For whatever reason, you appear to be prejudiced against me otherwise you would have caught that I thought I was doing what was best for my wife and was trying to be kind by telling her the honest truth in response to her question. I am tired of being harassed by you. I have asked nicely for you to stop jumping on my posts, and yet you persist. I’m done asking. Consider yourself banned.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Let go says:

    You are not autistic. You do not have Aspbergers. I know people with both and you do not have either. You may be hyper focused if you are of scientific mind and that is not unusual. What bothers me is your lack of feeling for your wife. This is something you need to address fairly quickly. People do leave marriages and you might. 50% of first marriages end, 60 to 70% of second marriages do. If you have children what you are doing is leaving scorched earth behind. What is all this yarning getting. It is getting nothing and it is slowly killing your marriage.

    Like

    • Anonyman says:

      I’m not yearning for Scarlet, but I agree that I have a problem. The question is what can I do to fix it? If it was a simple matter of deciding to empathize, then I would have empathy in spades. If it was a function of my devotion and love for my wife, then we wouldn’t have a problem (unless I’m deceiving myself, which is entirely possible). I keep thinking whatever is wrong will fix itself with time, devotion, and therapy, but so far that hasn’t proven to be the case.

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  4. Let go says:

    I hate autocorrect. Yearning!

    Like

  5. Let go says:

    Do you love your wife? One “favorite” conversational bit that cheaters use is the……”I love you, but I am not in love with you”. If you have done any research you know that the “in love” feeling is transitory. What you have after that is either a marriage in transition or a divorce, but the euphoria is gone. Do you then go on to other affairs? Your latest post alludes to that. Be fair to your wife. Please. This is her one time on earth. Don’t rob her life of the finite time she has. If you feel nothing for her move on.

    Like

    • Anonyman says:

      I don’t think I agree with you. There are times in every marriage when you don’t feel “in love”, but you still love the other person and you don’t call it quits because you just aren’t feeling it. If that is indeed what you’re saying, that is terrible advice for avoiding a broken home. The reason cheaters love that line is because it gives them an out from a marriage they don’t want to fight for.
      I do love my wife and I am in love with her. I do have remorse. What I struggle with is empathizing with her in this one instance in the way I normally have no problem with.
      If my post about being attractive makes you think I’m going to have another affair, then you missed the whole point of the post.

      Like

  6. Let go says:

    I got your post. What I don’t get is your detachment from the pain you have inflicted on your wife. I don’t think you are headed for divorce or even planning on it. I get that blogs are anonymous so people can write what they can’t say out loud. I get that. You are coming across as someone who left his marriage emotionally and is busy enjoying feeling sexy to other women. OK. The enjoying the sexy part is normal, but…..but right now you need to be one hundred percent focused on your wife.
    How long have you been married and do you have children? Just curious. I know some pretty damaged kids due to some selfish parents.

    Like

    • Anonyman says:

      Yeah, I don’t get get it either, but I’m not enjoying feeling sexy to other women. It is what it is and all I’m doing is writing about the affair and how it’s changed me.

      Like

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