Who Knows

I’ve mentioned on here before that very few people know what happened. I’d put the number at less than twenty. The leadership of my church knows. My bosses know. My parents know. Our counselors know. And that’s pretty much it.
So for those readers who have been through an affair, either as the betrayer or the betrayed, how many people know what happened to you? How have those people knowing affected your recovery? Just curious what other’s experiences and perspectives are.

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About Anonyman

Recovering adulterer and husband of an awesome wife who has given me a second chance. Sinner and Christian, saved by grace alone. I cuss a lot
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10 Responses to Who Knows

  1. Nobody…except anyone reading my blog. It makes for a long lonely journey. Especially when I crave a hug or a shoulder to cry on. ..but that’s my sentence and I’m serving it

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  2. Most of our church family, My Dad, His parents, sister, friends, the list seems to go on. I want to blast him and let everyone in town know what a loser of a gal pal I had too so others stay clear from her.. but alas I haven’t for sake of you can’t take back when you tell someone
    What they do with the information or how they will affect your life. So slowly but surely more know..

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    • Anonyman says:

      Yeah, you can’t unring that bell, in more ways than one. At first, neither of us wanted a bunch of people to know. We both felt exposed by what I had done. As time has gone on, we’re okay with more people knowing. I wouldn’t say we’re keeping it a secret so much as we just aren’t broadcasting it. Maybe that’s a distinction without a difference, but it is what it is. If someone asked us, we’d probably tell.

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  3. pabloswife says:

    We have told no one, so I’m guessing there are only 3 people who know about my husband’s affair… myself, my husband and the whore! There were rumors about them at work but no one knows for sure. It’s very lonely but I’m finding this path hard enough to navigate without having a ton of other people know about it too!! The last thing I want is for my kids to find out what an asshole their dad was, so for now I choose to tell no one, apart from you all!!

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  4. pabloswife says:

    Me too otherwise I think I’d probably be rocking in a chair on the porch right about now and my husband ?? He’d be buried somewhere in the yard LOL!!

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  5. pabloswife says:

    It was my choice.

    My husband, not that I needed his permission, said I should tell my best friend, her husband cheated on her many years ago, but I was too afraid to tell anyone, because I knew, that the moment the words came tumbling from my mouth, it would mean that the affair happened, that my husband did fuck some whore he met at work, that he was a selfish asshole and that he broke my heart!

    Of course I knew that it had happened but I just didn’t want to utter the words that I never thought in a million years I’d ever have to utter! As the days passed I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! I wanted the world to know what my husband had done. I wanted people to know that he wasn’t that stand up guy they thought he was, that he wasn’t a great dad, the perfect son, a wonderful husband. BUT I knew that my reasons for telling the world would mainly be to hurt my husband, I realized that they wouldn’t do me any good, they’d just tarnish his name. It also became apparent to me that I didn’t want our kids to find out, not yet anyway. Maybe some day, when we’re rocking on that porch together, we will tell them, maybe when they are all grown up and have husbands/wives of their own. Maybe if/when they find themselves heading down a similar path, we’ll be able to tell them that for a while, when they were kids, their dad was an asshole but that we got passed the heaping pile of shit he threw in front of our marriage. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to impart some wisdom upon our kids… either that, or I’ll drag them out to the yard one day and tell them that I buried their dad out there after I found out he fucked some pit faced whore 😀

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  6. Everyone knows…sometimes it’s hard that way, sometimes it’s easy. I have made my peace with it. Everyone (except maybe my in-laws) knows about and/or reads my blog in our small town and the small town he used to work in.

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