And This is Why She’s Banned

One of the quirks of the WordPress mobile app is there’s no way to effectively moderate commenters. So when I banned Nephila last week, it had to wait until I got to a laptop to actually ban her. In the meantime, she’s been commenting and I’ve been un-approving her comments.

The reason I banned her is because she is prejudiced against cheaters. It doesn’t matter what words they say, she hears what she wants to hear – namely that they are insincere, self-centered, lying scumbags. No matter what they say they feel, she is the expert and she is here to tell me and them what they are really feeling and what they should be feeling. So when she posted the following just now about the Come Back to me Erin guy, who I suspect has committed suicide, I decided it was time to not only accomplish the ban but call her out.

I always felt he was too passive. He kept giving her space. In my view space just confirms all our suspicions. Space says you don’t give a damn. Space says come back when you’re over it.

I wish every BS could get everything they need, get it yesterday, and get it without the cheater moaning about it or resenting it. I don’t doubt that conscience-pain hurts like hell. And if any of the pain is for losing the affair partner well, you know what that says about someone.

Sanctimonious much? The poor guy was desperately trying to make it work and was wracked with overwhelming, unending guilt. But you know, he was just giving his poor wife too much space because he just didn’t give a damn about her.

Or take this gem about her readers whom she disdains so much that she had to close her blog (good riddance, I say).

Infidelity is everywhere and there is an infinite number of cheats looking for absolution or justification, whores bemoaning their lot or rubbing it in faithful wives faces, and betrayed spouses seeking …a time machine.

But ultimately it was the constant carping, the constant deliberate misunderstanding and accusations not only on my blog but on other blogs where I’ve seen her comment. Life is too short and this road is too hard to listen to sanctimonious, bitter people like her. I hope she wakes up before she hurts any more people, but given her track record I doubt that. All I can do is ban her on my blog.

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About Anonyman

Recovering adulterer and husband of an awesome wife who has given me a second chance. Sinner and Christian, saved by grace alone. I cuss a lot
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16 Responses to And This is Why She’s Banned

  1. pabloswife says:

    I have been following Come Back To Me Erin since the beginning of his story. I know a lot of his posts are now hidden from public view but I really don’t think he committed suicide, I hope he didn’t. As far as I can remember he never even alluded to it. His wife and he were getting on as well as can be expected and he seemed genuinely remorseful for his actions and full of a rekindled love for his wife. My hope is that his blog served it’s purpose and he no longer felt the need to pour his heart out to a bunch of strangers. Incidentally, his wife knew all about his blog and was happy he had one. Unfortunately there were many people who started along this crappy road about the same time as me and several of them have faded from the blogosphere. I hope they have all found the answers they were looking for or are, at the very least, spending their every free moment working on their marriages rather than blogging about their pain.

    As for Nephila, of course she’s prejudiced against cheaters! I think you’d be hard pushed to find a betrayed spouse who wasn’t! I think what you’ll find is that she has a particular problem with the cheater who is not remorseful and who still sees his whore thru rose colored glasses, and I for one, have to agree with her. My husband should be worshipping one woman and one woman only – ME!!! And if he isn’t and if he still has feelings for the whore he fucked… well then, he can fuck right off!! I’m worth so much more than that.

    Not surprisingly, Nephila also has a problem with the un-remorseful whore who knowingly fucked a married man… and quite frankly, who wouldn’t? I would hazard a guess that most of us betrayed spouses were not the bitter harpies that we may or may not have become since our worlds came crashing down, but unfortunately we had no say in the matter because I can assure you, none of us are pleased our husband’s chose to fuck someone else and break our hearts 😥

    Thankfully it’s your blog and you get to chose who you allow comments from and who you don’t!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Anonyman says:

      It’s strictly a guess, but his last few posts where so hopeless and the last one in particular sounded like a goodbye. Granted, my perspective is twisted, so for all I know they’ve worked it out and he’s simply decided not to blog about their personal journey together. I certainly hope that’s the case.

      I understand why she’s prejudiced, but it went beyond simple disagreement. You and I probably disagree on things, but I’ve never felt the need to tell you to back off. I did at least twice with Nephila after which point I told her she was done. She continued posting, so I felt the need to call her out.

      I also have a problem with the unremorseful. Regardless of the circumstances and causes, I don’t see how you can’t feel remorse for playing a part in hurting the betrayed spouse. The problem I have with Nephila is she has set herself up as the judge of who is really remorseful and who is still an evil bastard, and if you’re a cheater you don’t get to disagree with her because you’re an awful person as evidenced by your disagreement. She’s entitled to her opinion, but she is obsessed with trolling blogs to spread her opinion. Not here. She had her chance and she refused to respect me and others.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Anyone who is sane blocks Nephila eventually. She is a wretched human being. Her stalking of sites she doesn’t like, repetitive insults, and life full of venom are bad enough. But much worse is when she attacks total innocents. She actually went on an 18 year old virgin’s blog and called her a slut because some guy with a girlfriend had flirted with her. She also was on a mental health blog recently slamming someone for being bipolar because her husband’s affair partner had claimed to be bipolar. This poor person wasn’t in an affair, was just talking about supporting those with mental illness and she went on full attack. I think she is unstable

    Believe it or not, there are those of us out there who are NOT the betrayed spouse and are NOT crazy who understand how affairs start, the depth of real emotion that can be felt, the enormous guilt, and the sadness when they end, even if everyone knows it is for the best. I was (still am?) very much in love with Jack and I believe the same is true of him. But he is trying to save his marriage and we are trying to do the right thing. Every now and then one of us slips and reaches out, but in the year (one year tomorrow!) since we separated, I am finally living my life without him. We had a rare email interaction recently in which we both admitted we still think of each other every day and will never lose our connection, even if we never speak again.

    The betrayed spouses, especially the ones who write these blogs, will never understand that and I don’t blame them. The only way they can try to move forward is to assume there was no real feeling, vilify the woman as a “whore,” and insist their husband hate the woman forever. Of course the men tell them they agree, what else are they going to say if they want to stay married? None of them see that these men will tell them just about anything to make the anger and distance go away.

    Anyway, your blog is a welcome addition to the few I still follow. I shut down my own blog because I worked through the issues that made me want to write about me and Jack. I feel infinitely stronger. I hope your blog helps you in the same way

    Liked by 5 people

    • Anonyman says:

      Since I posted about her banning, she has tried to comment three times. I sincerely hope she gets the help that she needs because you’re right – she’s unstable and obsessive. A normal person would realize their comments are going to spam and just stop, but she can’t or won’t give it up.
      I have a post stuck in “drafts” about the behavior and expectations of some betrayed spouses and it echos a lot of what you’re saying regarding post-affair emotions. I cannot judge you for slipping because I know exactly what you’re talking about, but I’m glad for both of your sake that you are putting an end to it. It hurts like hell right now, but it does get better.

      Liked by 1 person

    • OpenHeart-so glad to see your comment(s) here. I miss your intellect and your soul. I hope your journey back to where you feel like the best you is going well! Anonyman, I apologize profusely for hijacking this comment to say “hello” to OpenHeart.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. damagedbytheageof3 says:

    I echo what Open Heart says. Anyone with sense has already got Nephila sent directly to spam. Her problem is that she doesn’t actually read what is actually written – you could say that you enjoyed the chicken for dinner and she would translate that as you despising the beef. She has WAY too much time on her hands – but she needs to fill her life with something I guess. Quite pitiful really.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Dearest Russ says:

    Reblogged this on Dearest Russ.

    Like

  5. Well said. Your original post as well as your response to comments. Thank you for posting.

    Like

  6. Anonyman says:

    …And she’s still trying to comment. Seriously, Nephila, give it up and get help.

    Liked by 1 person

    • She won’t stop. I blocked her over three months ago. She still comments on every post. They go straight to spam , I don’t read them, but she doesn’t stop. ~sigh~

      Liked by 2 people

      • Anonyman says:

        I’m no lawyer, but I imagine this meets the legal definition for harassment. I’ve asked her to stop. I’ve told her to stop. I’ve told her she is no longer welcome. I’ve told her she is banned. And she still tries to comment. It is literally insane to comment over and over and over, knowing your comments are unread and going directly to spam.

        Liked by 2 people

        • damagedbytheageof3 says:

          She’s not worth getting wound up over Isle. If her life is lacking such substance that she feels the need to fill the void spending hours on here sending hundreds of vile messages that never get read 95% of the time then let her get on with it I say. The only persons time she’s wasting is her own. If she wants to while away a few precious hours filling my spam box with bile, she’s more than welcome to… I don’t even check the bugger! :p

          Liked by 3 people

      • oceanswater says:

        I actually find her comments both sad and funny. Very sad for her, because I believe she is a certified NUT. Every affair can not be put into the same category. Some things happen for a reason. I have had the pleasure of meeting her only through others blogs.

        Like

  7. I had stumbled upon this post and was shocked to read people were speculating I had committed suicide. While it has crossed my mind in my darkest hours I could not do that to my children or my wife. It makes their pain worse.

    I had started my blog for me. To remember how I felt and what I thought during the
    first few days. To remember and never forget. It was a convenient medium to record my thoughts. It Seemed to have the side effect of helping a few people. That felt good. I stopped writing publicly after some negative comments. I continued in private to avoid angry people taking their pain out on me. I understand their pain and don’t begrudge it to them. It should just be focused on their offending partner and not random strangers regardless of what we may have done to others.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anonyman says:

      I’m obviously glad to see my fears were unfounded. I guess I was pretty down that day and reading your last post sounded familiar to some stuff I wrote once and, well, projection ain’t just a river in Egypt.

      Like

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