Yeah, I know it’s Buzzfeed, which I generally despise on principle, but this listicle is spot on: Twenty-two surprising facts about depression. Hopefully none of them sound familiar to you.
Every fricking one of them. Honestly, I could check off the list. There is something else that list does capture, though. This is more a list of the side effects rather than the central issue, which to me (in my two episodes of major depression in my 40 years of life) is more about the despair and helplessness. The feeling that things will never get better, that everything takes so much effort, that doing something as simple as crossing the street can make you cry for no reason.
It’s why now I appreciate feeling happy. I can truly appreciate every moment of joy again, even small moments. When you are depressed you can’t see them or feel them. When you are normal but just sad, life takes on color and meaning again. That’s the main reason you need to keep pushing and see a therapist and start on meds–the light comes through again.
If I am completely honest, no one knows whether things will improve with your wife. You can try your best, but I think the BS commentators here have made it clear that forgiveness may be a long time coming or may never come. You may do your best for years and still hit a wall. That is why your relationship can’t be your anchor to pull yourself out, especially after an affair.
Focus on healing and being a good dad and the best husband you can be. Your marriage may survive or fail, but you will always be a father. Find strength in that role. Heal yourself, forgive yourself, but also examine what led to the affair. What were you searching for? What role did Scarlet play?
Give yourself time to mourn that relationship. You cheated on your wife, which makes me think the connection had to be very strong and significant. Give yourself time to grieve. This isn’t easy. I am single and my therapist has been trying to get me to mourn my relationship for almost a year and I refused. Jack has been even worse. The problem is that mourning means letting go for good, which is hard. It is even more complicated when you have to hide the grieving from your wife. Jack has managed it by compartmentalizing, which basically means he isn’t dealing with it at all. But if you truly want to get over her, you need 1:1 counseling where you can be honest about your feelings without worrying about how your wife feels. Do it for her, it’s a gift, but it’s also important for you
Long comment, just wanted you to know you aren’t alone
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