To Share or Not to Share

There’s a lot of details from the affair that I still carry around with me. A lot of them my wife knows, and a few of those are known to others. I can only think of one detail which was shared with a friend that I haven’t told my wife.

On of my thoughts with this blog was that I might share some of those details. It’s not a bragging thing because all of the details and memories I’d share would only show what a selfish bastard I’d been. It would simply be an unburdening of the things I can’t or won’t talk to my friends about.

So far I haven’t shared them except for how the affair came to light. But what I’ve come to realize is that I can’t really share what I’d like to. As much as I want to confess various acts, emotions, and events, I can’t do that here either without hurting about half my readers.

I don’t know what the answer is. I’ve thought about putting some of what I write behind a link or in a password protected post. It may be that the best thing for everyone is just to not remember these things that I’ve done to the best of my ability.

I don’t know. That’s one of the things that sucks about this whole situation – you don’t always know what the right thing to do is.


About Anonyman

Recovering adulterer and husband of an awesome wife who has given me a second chance. Sinner and Christian, saved by grace alone. I cuss a lot
This entry was posted in Editorial Note, The affair and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to To Share or Not to Share

  1. just remember it is your blog. for your purposes of venting, yelling, healing and moving forward. as a woman that has been *the wife* and yes, finds herself as an ow, I know what you mean when you say you risk the hurting/alienating half of your readers if you post authentically and what you need to express. i get it. only you can decide what is right for you. thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are so kind. I never think about that. I super want to come out of the anonymous closet but I haven’t because I feel I need some more time to think about it. I have acted so irrationally during this time in my life dealing with an affair. Usually what I feel so strongly about in dealing with my husband it’s usually wrong, or done in the wrong reasons. So now I have to wait.. calm the fuck down and just sit on things for awhile.

    Because even though I’m a betrayed still works both ways in the way I act or react to things doesn’t relieve me from any consequences that I can think of, or not think of..

    I agree with you in just sitting on the call to just let everything roam free on your blog. Same with me in stopping to be anonymous. It’s a serious call,


    • Anonyman says:

      Evidence would seem to contradict that first statement, but I’m trying. I don’t know that I’ll ever be comfortable with this blog being the first hit on Google when someone searches my name. I might change my mind on that later. Unfortunately for every person who chooses to be gracious towards me, there are a lot of others who go the other route. Whether they’ve been hurt themselves or just can’t put themselves in this position, they see it as black and white. “Good people don’t cheat. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you don’t express repentance the way I think you should then you must still be betraying your spouse. Blah, blah, blah.” For the betrayed spouse, it’s just as bad. “You must have done SOMETHING to bring this on, right? You have to accept them back. You must leave them. You must blah, blah, blah.”
      I know I don’t deserve grace, but I wish people would be more circumspect about applying their experiences and morals to other’s situations. I’m really tempted to write a post about the Christian response to affairs because I see so many people both online and IRL doing it wrong. Sorry to vent. I guess talking about “coming out” sent me on a tangent.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Let go says:

    As a married outside observer I see this happening in my family. Did you never stop to think what damage you would do to your wife? Just as Bill Clinton, who was a good president, will forever be known as the man who said he did not have sexual relations with ML, you will be known for your affair. I wonder if anyone stops to think what this does to their honor. If you are an adult you should have the mature ability to recognize the muck you getting ready to step in.
    I asked another blogger how you can lie that easily and then expect your wife to ever believe you. I am always puzzled by people who harm others and then assume with a mea culpa all will be forgotten. An affair is a form of emotional abuse. How do people recover from that?
    There is a lot of information that children need years to get over the harm to their family. The contract that begins between two people is known by the children long before they can articulate it. When the contract is broken it is between everybody.
    You feel great remorse for what you have done but hanging on to the memories of an unrealistic love affair is not doing your marriage any good. I just do not understand why you would do it to someone who trusted your word.


    • Anonyman says:

      No offense, but you come off as very judgemental. What’s done is done. Continuing to berate me for what I freely confess to doing wrong doesn’t do anybody any good.

      If you have something constructive to add, then do so. If all you want to do is tell me I was selfish and stupid, I already have at least a dozen posts and several dozen more comments agreeing with you.

      I’m sorry your family has been damaged by affairs, but please keep your comments constructive in the future.


  4. openheartconfessions says:

    This is your blog, you should write what you feel and not worry about your readers. One of the reasons I wrote my blog was to do what you talk about here–get all the details of the affair out. For some reason they were haunting me by being all bottled up inside. I needed to tell my story. And the amazing thing is that after writing for a few months, I felt a tremendous release.

    Think about why you started writing the blog to begin with. It wasn’t for your readers, it was for you and your healing. Do what feels right to you and your readers will come along for the ride

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Nice blog hope you read mine too x


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