If you do a search for the phrase “depression test” on Google, the first non-advertisement return is for a test on Psychology Today. It looks reputable – it’s from a psych journal, it’s the number one hit on Google, the test has 101 questions and takes 20 minutes to complete for crying out loud. In other words, this isn’t a Buzzfeed quiz – it looked legit.

So I think to myself, “Self, this looks like a good reputable diagnostic test.” I spent the next 20 minutes going through all the questions. I didn’t just breeze through it, I really thought about my answers and did some reflection on how I feel about the questions. Some of the questions were pretty deep and probing (you know, the sort of thing a therapist should ask when you are paying them $120/hr).

Now I understood when I started the test that I wouldn’t get the full results of the test without paying for them. I get that. The test is equivalent or maybe even identical to a diagnostic test you would take at a psychologist’s office, which test would then be analyzed and scored to come up with a baseline for treatment. However, it was billed as a diagnostic test – yea or nay – for depression with advanced scoring if you are interested and want to pay for it.

So here’s what I got:

Depression Test Screenshot

Not pictured: A single useful fact or meaningful result of my labor.


Really? I spent 20 minutes filling this damn thing out and it can’t even tell me if I might be depressed? It tells me I worry about the judgement of others. Well no shit, I could have told you that.

Fuck you, Psychology Today. I am not paying 5 dollars to learn the answer to a simple yes or no question. And neither should you. If I find another good test that isn’t a ripoff for people who, let’s face it, are probably depressed, hurting, and needing help, I’ll post it here as an edit as well as adding it to the links.


About Anonyman

Recovering adulterer and husband of an awesome wife who has given me a second chance. Sinner and Christian, saved by grace alone. I cuss a lot
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3 Responses to Seriously?

  1. Here you go, this goes through the basic criteria, as well as all the widely accepted screening tools.

    The most common things they will cover are:
    1) Feeling helpless or hopeless
    2) Disturbed sleep, either too much or insomnia
    3) Unplanned weight gain or loss
    4) Difficulty concentrating
    5) Feelings of guilt or worthlessness
    6) And of course, thoughts of suicide, which we know you have had

    I think we all know you meet the criteria…


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