If you do a search for the phrase “depression test” on Google, the first non-advertisement return is for a test on Psychology Today. It looks reputable – it’s from a psych journal, it’s the number one hit on Google, the test has 101 questions and takes 20 minutes to complete for crying out loud. In other words, this isn’t a Buzzfeed quiz – it looked legit.
So I think to myself, “Self, this looks like a good reputable diagnostic test.” I spent the next 20 minutes going through all the questions. I didn’t just breeze through it, I really thought about my answers and did some reflection on how I feel about the questions. Some of the questions were pretty deep and probing (you know, the sort of thing a therapist should ask when you are paying them $120/hr).
Now I understood when I started the test that I wouldn’t get the full results of the test without paying for them. I get that. The test is equivalent or maybe even identical to a diagnostic test you would take at a psychologist’s office, which test would then be analyzed and scored to come up with a baseline for treatment. However, it was billed as a diagnostic test – yea or nay – for depression with advanced scoring if you are interested and want to pay for it.
So here’s what I got:
Really? I spent 20 minutes filling this damn thing out and it can’t even tell me if I might be depressed? It tells me I worry about the judgement of others. Well no shit, I could have told you that.
Fuck you, Psychology Today. I am not paying 5 dollars to learn the answer to a simple yes or no question. And neither should you. If I find another good test that isn’t a ripoff for people who, let’s face it, are probably depressed, hurting, and needing help, I’ll post it here as an edit as well as adding it to the links.