This. This right here.

If you’ve ever wondered how people can love their enemies, read this post by Regenerating Heart – The Unsent Letter to SMW. It comes after the third part of her painful D-day story. The letter is real, it’s painful, it’s angry, but it’s also loving. As a cheater, it stings even though it’s not to me, but I’m encouraged to see someone recovering who has been hurt so badly. RH is making a choice to forgive her husband as well as the woman who thoughtlessly hurt her and her family.

It might seem self-serving to say this, but we should all follow her example. God knows I’ve needed a lot of prayer to get through this and I continue to need prayer not to do something stupid. I don’t deserve love, but I’ve been shown love by the small circle of family and friends who know. As a result, I’m recovering, my wife is recovering, and so is our marriage.

It’s easy to hate me and other cheaters because honestly we do deserve hate and not love. But God does not treat us how we deserve to be treated, and neither should we. Miss Regenerating Heart is living that. She is taking the harder path of forgiveness and love.


About Anonyman

Recovering adulterer and husband of an awesome wife who has given me a second chance. Sinner and Christian, saved by grace alone. I cuss a lot
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10 Responses to This. This right here.

  1. 15gen says:

    I am truly touched. Thank you. But, please know that I don’t have it all together. I still get it wrong some days.


    • Anonyman says:

      Who doesn’t? What you are doing is hard. Every minute of every day you are choosing to do the hard thing, the unnatural thing. You are going to stumble and sometimes even fall, but you’re walking in the right direction.

      Six months sounds like a long time because it’s probably felt like 6 years, but you’re really not that far away from it. The fact that you are already able to pray for SMW is amazing. Many people never even get to that point in their recovery.


      • 15gen says:

        The option of bitterness was/is unacceptable to me.
        How far out are you & your wife from D-day? Did you begin to heal at any point prior to D-day? I’ve often wondered if unfaithful spouses are able to begin their journey of healing sooner or if it is a shorter process…or the same as ours due to seeing the pain we carry (although we try not to show)?


        • Anonyman says:

          Not quite a year and a half. I think in some ways we have a head start because there’s no shock of “you did WHAT?” We already knew what we were doing. However, I was still in shock in the weeks surrounding D-day. I don’t mean to be insensitive to betrayed spouses, but I had just had the worst break up of my life in addition to hurting my wife horribly.
          I don’t know that it’s necessarily a shorter process anyway – it probably depends on the person. Seeing my wife in pain was and still is hard. I still struggle with depression and guilt and she still struggles with depression and trust. We’re progressing together, but I don’t know that either of us is ahead of the other. It’s just different.


          • 15gen says:

            Thanks for the insight. I’ve benefited greatly from reading from your viewpoint.
            I hope you and your wife are able to heal and you have many wonderful years together.


        • horsesrcumin says:

          Our ifrst MC said exactly this. My partner had fifteen months of affair, and two months of non-affair (he had ended it nearly two months before his AP told me) to process the whole pile of crap. He realised what he was doing was bad for him, bad for everyone, and he never loved her, but was flattered by the attention, and just too weak to give the average sex a pass. We were told outright that he had a massive head start on me. So true. Let alone the chasm in the perspective of the betrayer v the betrayed.


  2. pabloswife says:

    I pray… that my husband’s whore get’s hit by a bus, or a raging dose of herpes! But that’s just me 😀


  3. pabloswife says:

    Quite possibly altho it’s most definitely in the book of Pablo’s wife 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. B says:

    You don’t deserve hate. You are a fallible human who made a big mistake. Frankly some of the betrayed spouses who comment on this and other blogs are much more repulsive than you are.

    Liked by 4 people

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