Coming Soon

Well, I wrote my story.  Not the story of me, but the story I wanted to write since last week. I think I’m going to sit on it for a day or two and make some edits. It’s close, but I need to flesh it out and remove/reword a few things. Unlike most of my stories, this one is meant to be shared and I won’t rest until I do. However, I don’t want to just throw it out there and then realize I could have made it better.

In other news, I appreciate everyone who reads this blog. I’ll be honest though, my heart’s not really in it lately. I’m not saying I’m going to shut it down, but it may be a while before I get back to posting anything worth reading on a daily basis. I’m still going through the usual stuff, but I’m having a hard time feeling like it’s all just futile. I feel like I’ve got too many balls in the air and juggling them only delays the inevitable.

I know it’s just temporary, but I just want to get away for a while. I don’t even know what that looks like. But just to get out from under the oppressing shadow of it all. To let go of the baggage and take the mask off for a bit. That’s not really an option though, so it’s one painful foot in front of the other, day in, day out. Go to work, come home, pretend I’m a good employee, a good husband, a good father. Pretend I’m happy. Pretend I’m okay.

I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending I’m not tired.

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About Anonyman

Recovering adulterer and husband of an awesome wife who has given me a second chance. Sinner and Christian, saved by grace alone. I cuss a lot
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7 Responses to Coming Soon

  1. Do you have some guy friends you can hang out with for a weekend? Or have the chance to have a break from the routine of family? You need to look after yourself as well Isle. Sometimes it is the quietness of a walk in the forest, or the sound of the waves at a beach (if you have one). It is calming and refreshes the soul. Yes, you have to go back to the reality of life – but a little bit of ‘you’ time often helps. Even if you took the family for a day at a lake or something and just relaxed and enjoyed the great outdoors alongside them. Be kind to yourself as well. You might not think you deserve it, but you do. Looking forward to that story!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Anonyman says:

      Do you have some guy friends you can hang out with for a weekend?

      It’s funny, Scarlet asked me the same thing once before the start of the affair. Unfortunately, no, I don’t really have any friends like that. I’ve had a few close-ish friends since I moved to where I am now, but they’ve all moved away. The ones that are left I’m either not close to or have too many other commitments to take a weekend off like that. Honestly, I’ve sacrificed pretty much all of my hobbies and interests for my family and I’m really not even that interested in them anymore. Classic sign of depression, I know. To the extend I want to go for a hike or go to a beach, it so I can take my family and make them happy. If they aren’t interested, I don’t do it.

      Like

  2. I had an affair says:

    Feel free to hop in my taxi and come to Limboland. It is a place I stay in for a day or two until I spin the arrow on the game board to tell the taxi driver where to go next.. sometimes he chooses where to go on his own.
    In all seriousness – I picked up going on a bike ride or run every night. I did it at the same time every night and listened to very loud music. Both the routine, the aloneness, the night air, and the music all helps me on those days that I am struggling to know where I am at.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anonyman says:

      Since I’ve been old enough, I’ve driven at night with the windows down and the music turned up. Same idea, but without the benefit of exercise. I’d also like to get back to running, even though I hate it, but I have an injury preventing me from doing any strenuous activity. I like the way I feel after I’ve been running and it’s the best way I’ve found for me to lose weight. I’m currently 30+ lbs overweight – all of which I gained after the affair – and I’m sick of looking and feeling like I do.

      Like

      • I had an affair says:

        Oh, I HATE running! I do it, but I dread it all day… hate it. Once I start and the endorphins kick in, I can’t stop… but still hate it.

        Like

  3. chely5150 says:

    Yes I understand, I think. A point comes in this journey where the words are there but just not as necessary to be written/spoken as often. Maybe because after a while many of us know exactly what we should do but still are unable to come to grips with it. So I still read, comment a little and spend a little more time reflecting internally. I’m not sure if i’m gaining any ground or not but I needed to stop and take a breath for a moment. It’ll be 1year in just a few days and sometimes my head’s no clearer at all. So difficult -so yes I agree that you should go fishing, or to a sports game or whatever you like to do because you cant keep moving forward-whatever one’s choice of direction is-unless you take care of yourself -FIRST -dont beat yourself up forever you made a a mistake and are doing the necessary things to make a good ending of this chapter. That’s the way I see it I take care!

    Like

    • Anonyman says:

      I hope your 1 year D-day anniversary wasn’t too bad. My wife and I both dreaded all the anniversaries that would come from that time of year, but it wasn’t too bad. We made sure we lived our lives and made new memories so we wouldn’t sit around focusing on the old. For the most part it worked and it was no worse than any other day.

      Like

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