As I was writing a comment just now, a thought occurred to me. When I was in high school and college, I thought of myself as something of a catch. I wasn’t particularly good looking, but I was passable. But where I felt I really stood out was who I was as a person.
I was/am very intelligent and well educated. I thought I was very in touch with my feelings. After all, I was the only one of my friends who cried in movies and actually enjoyed chic flicks. I thought I was a good listener and an empathetic friend – several women have said so through the years.
I was and still am a very self-sufficient man. I cook, clean, launder, and repair everything myself. My parents had to do very little for me when I lived at home. I actually did quite a bit for them. I knew that when I got married my wife would not have to complain about her husband not helping with the chores.
Even before I lost my virginity, I was determined to be a skilled and selfless lover. Once I did lose my virginity, I studied and researched ways to increase not my pleasure, but hers, because that is how I most enjoyed sex.
In short, I had determined to make myself into the perfect husband who broke all the negative stereotypes. I had tried hard to prepare myself for marriage by becoming good marriage material. I felt like I was a catch.
That’s the irony. I was so determined to be a superlative husband that I ended up being a conceited jerk of a husband. That conceit led to feeling unappreciated. Feeling unappreciated led to me being overly flattered when a woman came along who appreciated me. And that made it very easy for me to fulfill my destiny of being a terrible husband.