The Worst Part of Being Away

The worst part of being away on business trips is coming back. When I was up here in July, I got stuck in an airport and couldn’t get home until much, much later than anticipated. I was frustrated, she was frustrated. I said something about having a beer while I waited for my new flight and she went off on me for being insensitive to her who was stuck with the kids and unable to drink in a bad when my travel plans go to crap. I didn’t take kindly to the comment and it was a rocky homecoming far worse than the travel SNAFU.

So here we are again. I made some silly comment and she took it the wrong way. I’m making the long drive back to the airport in the morning, so I’m pretty much on the way home.

It just occurred to us the other day that reintegrating our family after I’ve been away for a few days tends to induce a fight between us. I don’t know what it is exactly. I think part of it is I’m on an expense account while I’m away and I have no family to come home to, so it seems like I’m batching it up.

Come to think of it, those accusations started when I was away for a 5-week long training course. There was a woman there who in retrospect was interested in me. She was going through a particularly hard time in her life and seemed genuinely surprised when a man was interested in her as a person and not as a thing to be used.

Anyway, that’s the perception – right or wrong. I make a point of calling and texting with her while I’m gone to counteract this. But for whatever reason, the travel home always seems to bring the worst out in both of us. I try to show her some of that grace I wrote about earlier, but by the time I’m headed home, I generally am in no mood to deal with shit and just want to be home. I guess I need to work on that, huh?

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About Anonyman

Recovering adulterer and husband of an awesome wife who has given me a second chance. Sinner and Christian, saved by grace alone. I cuss a lot
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9 Responses to The Worst Part of Being Away

  1. Prayers for you both <3.. Transitioning back home is never easy seems worse with this crisis.. happens in our family as well.

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  2. Let go says:

    I think it is much simpler than you imagine. My husband, until a job change, was often gone for two weeks at a time. It took us a full day to come back together as a couple. He was exhausted from work and I was resentful that every single thing that could break would do so while he was gone. Also, the house became mine, I set meal times around my needs instead of his. You really do have just to accept that human beings are generally nuts and get over it. I know she is still in a lot of pain but you two do not need to make mountains out of molehills. In spite if your affair life goes on in its messiest way.

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  3. Let go says:

    Isle, if my response seems callous I apologize. Your affair is front and center of every interaction between the two of you and yet work goes on, meals are eaten, lawns get mowed. Somehow you are going to have to fix it. She can’t. I am quite sure you have not told her all the times you hugged and kissed your lover. Nor do you tell her the calls, and texts you shared. If you did it would kill her. I am guessing that the sex act is the least of it. In my work I found that people can overlook, and overcome, everything but being lied to and yet you did it over and over. My suggestion is that you two make love in the morning so that as she starts her day you have put your arms around her and told her how much you love her. If she is not interested in sex then cuddle with her. For every time you told the other woman you loved her you need to tell your wife a hundred times. The same for every kiss. I know you have apologized. Now I think you both need to find joy in each other. It is the little things in life that are so important. Bringing a small gift home from a trip. Bringing each other a cup of coffee. We forget to woo each other because we are so caught up in the minutiae of the day.
    I was with a group of people the other day and all I heard were complaints. I just kept my mouth shut but I so badly wanted to tell them to rejoice in their lives. There are wounded soldiers, beheaded loved ones, flooded homes. Every day that we get out of bed and have enough food to eat, people to love and the freedom to enjoy them is a day for thanksgiving. Go be thankful for your life and your wife

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    • Anonyman says:

      I appreciate the comment and I think I’m taking it how you intended. You’re right – the lying is the worst of it. She would have been hurt to find out I had an inappropriate friendship. She would have been very hurt to find out I had a one-night stand. But it was devastating to be deceived and lied to, to have her trust violated repeatedly.

      Fortunately, I’m already doing a lot of the things you suggested, but I think I need reminders at times of why it is so important to keep wooing her and keep telling her I love her. Thank you for the reminder.

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      • It’s not just for her it’s for you too. Doesn’t it make you feel good when you see her happy. Everyday you need to fall in love with your wife all over again. Remember how it was when you first got together that love high that was so addicting. Everyone responds to gentle touches. Rub her back and kiss her neck when she’s cooking. Pick a show that you can watch together on the couch while the kids are sleeping and hold hands. If you guys are on the computer send her little instant messages, miss u, luv u, need your touch. Write notes to her and leave them were she can find them. Make sure that you tell her how beautiful she looks. Focus on something sexual about her that day and use it to fuel you wanting her. My husband does that for me and by the time he gets home from work I feel like an excited little puppy and I jump all over him when he gets to the door.

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  4. chely5150 says:

    When a post receives comments many times what the author replies adds more info the story. So let me ask for a bit of clarification: 1) your plane is delayed, you must wait for next plane, go into bar have a beer and she gets pissed over that? That’s crazy unless you’re an alcoholic (don’t see any writing of that) 2) inappropriate relationship/one-night-stand: is this different than scarlet? wifey doesn’t know of this? If you don’t start focusing on your relationship/wife and re-build something positive I worry that you will spiral down even more. Remember the glass is half FULL not only half-empty.

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    • Anonyman says:

      No, not an alcoholic. It wasn’t just the beer, it was the fact that she was home alone with the boys and my delay meant another day with no help. So while my delay meant I get to have a beer, she got to put up with the boys’ nonsense.

      No, my affair with Scarlet is the only time I’ve strayed.

      I think we are rebuilding something positive. Things have gotten a lot better and continue to get better.

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      • Anonyman says:

        Yeah, the one-night stand and inappropriate friendships were hypotheticals contrasted with the deception of the real affair.

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      • chely5150 says:

        Ok I get it- just wanted to make sure i’m on the same page in understanding – I didn’t think that you meant another one but wasn’t sure. I’m glad to hear that you and wife getting on better. It is absolutely a slow day by day process to move past toward a better place. I read a suggestion recently that says don’t try to look at each individual day to show progress, because they’re going to be days that are the “one step back” days. Look at a larger chunk of time like a week it allows for the small (or large) setbacks that DO occur when recovering from infidelity, gives a better picture of true progress. I think it’s a good way to measure changes towards healing. I’ll keep wishing the best for you and your wife. chely

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