You know, you think you’ve been clear about something. You write about it in posts, pages, and comments over and over and over on your own blog and on others’ blogs. You would think with the literally thousands of words you write on something that at least some part of that would come through to the listener. Apparently not.
Even when I preface a comment with “I know I screwed up. I know this is all my fault and this is all my doing. I know my wife didn’t ask to be put in this situation” that’s not enough for people to understand that I take full responsibility for the severe damage I’ve done to my marriage and the excruciating pain I’ve put my wife through. They ignore or discount my taking of responsibility and understanding and focus only on what I’ve done. To some, I will only be a cheater and anything I try to say is only to defend my indefensibly actions or to try to con people (into what is never made clear) or do some other nefarious thing.
I try to help people. I try to give them the benefit of my experiences. I try to play some small part in helping to heal other’s marriages. That’s not what I set out to do when I started this blog, but I found that I have a real passion for trying to help people in similar situations.
Yes, I believe part of helping people is saying things they don’t necessarily want to hear. Things like “If you want to save your marriage, you are going to have to forgive. You are BOTH going to have to work on it, not just the guilty/responsible party. It’s not fair, but if you insist on fair you’re going to lose your marriage.”
And what I get back is “It’s all the cheater’s fault! It’s unfair!” Well no shit, that’s what I just said! With all I’ve written about concerning responsibility, repentance, pain and trauma, do you really think this comes as a surprise to me?!? Of course I know this. I’m saying it not because I’m ignorant but because I’m trying to save people’s marriages.
I do think God is using me to help people, but there are days when I think “It’s not worth investing myself in other people’s marriages and recovery.” There are some people whom I cannot reach because they will not listen to a cheater. It makes me sad when these people go around dispensing terrible advice and get thanked for it.
It’s enough to make me want to go back to my original plan of just blogging into the silence or to just shut this thing down for good. It makes me think I’ve got enough trouble in my life without caring about other’s lives. I just don’t know. /rant