How many times have we as Christians heard that saying? For myself, I’m sure I’ve heard it dozens if not hundreds of times. Yet, I still struggle with it.
I was driving in to work today and I was singing along to the Mumford and Sons CD I bought the other day. It’s easy to think you sing well when you have a professionally recorded album as your backing track, but every once in a while I hear myself and I think “Man, my voice sucks” It’s not that I can’t hit the notes (for the most part) it’s that I hate my voice.
Yep, I hate my voice – both speaking and singing. I long ago added that to my very long list of physical, mental, and moral defects. I really hate myself and it’s not some act or some affected thing. I truly believe there is a lot to hate about myself.
I think this is part of why I don’t trust my wife. She tells me she loves my voice and all the other things I absolutely despise about myself. I think “How can she possibly love these things? Surely she must be lying and if she’ll lie about my voice, then what else is she lying about? What else does she also hate about me, or secretly roll her eyes about, that she won’t tell me about?”
But as I’m driving along, that phrase comes to me: God doesn’t make mistakes.
And I know it’s true. I’ve even been known to tell it to other people. God doesn’t make mistakes. So if that’s true, and it is, then I can’t be a mistake. If I hate all these things about myself, if I hate myself, then I’m calling God a liar. I’m telling him “You screwed up with me. When you made me, it was not good.”
It’s a tough pill to swallow. God made me who I am, flaws and all. I am supposed to glorify Him with this life and this body he’s given me. Even if I can’t love all of it, I have to accept it and not hate it.
It’s convicting because I know I have no reason to hate myself this way. If Joni Eareckson Tada and that guy with no arms or legs can glorify God for and well as in their situation, then what the hell is my excuse? Well, I don’t have one, so I’m going to work on not hating myself. Please pray for me, because God doesn’t make mistakes and I need to see that.