I can’t believe it’s 2015. I mean I really can’t. I keep thinking of the things that I need to get done before the end of the year and I have to remind myself that New Years day was a week ago.
One of the things I’ve been putting off is this post. I’ve had a few fits and starts, but I just couldn’t quite bring it together. I’m like that sometimes, especially when I’ve already put something off for a while. A simple task can become a looming obstacle, at least in my mind.
Anyway, my nearly three month hiatus not withstanding, I am not gone. I’ve used the time off to become closer to my wife and to take care of some things in real life that I have been putting off for a while.
Things continue to be difficult at times, but we’re good. Busy, too. My wife was upset when I told her about this blog, but she’s supportive of my continuing to blog. However, I will be making a couple of changes that we both agreed would be good for our marriage.
The biggest change of course is that she will be reading the blog and will have editorial control. We’ll see how that works out in practice, because neither of us know at this point. There won’t be anymore hiding things or saying things on the blog that I won’t say to her directly (and preferably before I post it on the blog). I won’t be saying things here that I couldn’t say to her, not because I’m going to start self-censoring, but because we’re communicating a lot better. We’re already doing that, which, come to think of it, is probably why I haven’t come back until now.
Another change is that I will probably not be as active on this blog or on other blogs. I was getting too wrapped up in other people’s lives and marriages, which is fine up to a point, but it was taking me away from my own marriage in terms of time and energy. I will still read some, and I will still be praying for my readers, but I’m probably not going to be commenting on other blogs much or at all.
The other big change is that the woman I had an affair with will no longer be known as Scarlet. My wife suggested her new name should be something that would make horses whinny, something like “Bertha” or “Blucher.”
To be honest, I’m not sure there’s a single reason why I chose Scarlet for her pseudonym. There is of course the reference to the character in Gone With the Wind, but as I’ve only seen that movie once (and nearly 20 years ago at that), I think that was a pretty minor influence. As far as references go, I was thinking more along the lines of The Scarlet Letter, since I metaphorically wear that letter now and (again, metaphorically) that letter is her.
I also thought it appropriate that her name should rhyme with harlot. As you readers know, I don’t condone that kind of name-calling or think of the guilty in such terms, but the rhyme seemed a mental, subtle nod the similarity between we cheaters and whores, harlots, and other such people.
Again, no single influence made me choose that pseudonym, it just seemed to fit at the time. Looking back, the name seems to glamorize her and what she did, and that’s wrong. There’s nothing glamorous or admirable about wrecking another person’s marriage because of your own loneliness, brokenness, or just plain selfishness. There’s nothing glamorous about betraying your marriage vows and enticing others to betray theirs because you are unhappy or abused. There’s room for pity, and my wife does have pity, but the other woman should not be glamorized.
In any case, when we decide on an appropriate name, I’ll probably go back and change the name. In the meantime, if I talk about her at all, it will probably be in non-specific terms.
As we start this new year (still can’t believe it), I want to end this post with a song. This is a special song that gave my wife and I hope for better times when all seemed black. We both must have listened to it dozens of times. It spoke to both of us for different reasons. When clouds and darkness seemed to blanket our lives, we looked forward to blue skies again. We still do and I hope you do as well.