I was talking to a good friend the other day about my struggles with pornography. Don’t worry, I haven’t fallen off the wagon, but I never completely forget that I’m on the wagon, either. Sometimes you have to grab onto the sides of the wagon a little tighter, you know what I mean? My friend knew.
Anyway, we both remarked that in our youth, we foolishly thought that once we got married there would be no need for masturbation, let alone pornography. Oh, the lies we tell ourselves!
The truth is, pornography is about lust. You know, the carnal desire for something that isn’t ours to have? In this case, it’s sexual lust. Pornography isn’t so much about the desire to have sex – which is natural, even a very good thing in marriage – but the desire for improper sex.
Lust, being sin, is not satisfied by sex within marriage, which is good (read Song of Solomon if in doubt). This applies to pornography, but it also applies to infidelity. If a man lusts after a woman (and it need not even be sexual lust – emotional lust can be just as destructive), it will not be fixed by any good thing the wife does.* The corresponding biological or emotional itch may be scratched, but the sin in his heart demands to be acted upon sinfully.
In my humble opinion, I think this is why marriages that result from infidelity tend to end in infidelity. That’s not to say that all such marriages will always end in infidelity (I personally know of one that has lasted nearly 20 years and there are other famous counter-examples) but merely to say that if a man has a lust problem, it’s not going to go away by marrying the current object of his lust.
But I digress.
My point is two-fold. First, ladies, if your husband has strayed into either pornography or infidelity, it’s not about you not meeting his needs, it’s about your husband’s sin. Second, men, if you have an unresolved lust issue, it’s not just going to go away on it’s own. You can feed it all you want, but that only makes it hungrier. The best way to beat it is to starve it. Do it for yourself as much as for your wife. After all, you don’t want to end up being some anonymous dude on the internet blogging about his affair and his porn addiction.
*Note: This does not contradict what I’ve previously written about temptation and who is responsible for an affair. Certain factors may tempt someone to lust, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still a sin just because they are pushed rather than pulled into it.