Since I keep referring to the affair, I might as well spell out what happened in one page. The post “How I Ruined my Life” from July, 2014 has most of this info, too. This is the short version.
I met my affair partner, who I refer to as Scarlet, via work. We didn’t work directly together, but our projects were related. I was immediately attracted to her when I met her, but she didn’t seem interested in me, so I blew it off.
A few weeks later, the IMs started. They were work related, at least at first. They became more frequent and more personal. She eventually confided that she was having marital problems. Her husband, at least according to her, was very inattentive at best, and often times mean.
I consoled her because by this point I had come to see her as more of a friend than just a casual acquaintance. The more I got to know her, the more I wanted to make my friend happy. So when she would say how her husband thought she was ugly or fat, I would counter that I thought she was beautiful. If he was making her feel worthless, I reminded her of what a kind, generous, and smart woman she was.
You can see where this is going, and looking back I can, too. I was stupidly seducing her without even meaning to. At the same time I was getting too close.
A definite line was crossed when the talk started to turn sexual. At first it was merely talk about how her husband was neglecting her in the bedroom, but it didn’t take long before she was sharing far more than that. Things started moving pretty quickly until one day she came over to my office and we kissed.
I still remember how weird it felt kissing another woman, but she was really into it and so was I. We made out there in a conference room for nearly 20 minutes and as we left I knew I was having an affair. I couldn’t pretend it was anything else at that point.
The affair continued to heat up via IM, text message (including sexts), private emails, and eventually several trysts in various locations. I’ll spare the details because they are not edifying, and frankly I wish I could forget them.
Suffice it to say, we had sex some half dozen times, which for me at least was rather unsatisfying. I don’t know if I should be happy or sad I threw away my marriage and betrayed my wife for sex that was mediocre at best. Then again, it was never about the sex. I loved Scarlet.
The end came less than two months after that first kiss. We were caught making out in a public place. Things were getting pretty heavy and someone called the cops on us. The cops assumed based on the complaint that we were breaking the law, so they wrote us each a ticket. There was really no sweeping this under the rug. I had to fight it with a lawyer and there was no way to keep the lawyer a secret from my wife. The whole house of cards came crashing down and I had no choice but to tell my wife the truth.
Even before I told my wife, Scarlet and I mutually agreed to not contact the other person. There were a few moments of weakness when we had limited contact shortly after, but it has now been well over a year since I have seen or heard Scarlet. With any luck, I never will again.