Was it Worth It?

That’s the question I get asked more than any other. The person asking it is usually a betrayed spouse still trying to make sense of it all. I’ll keep answering it as long as I have breath because everyone needs to know.

Affairs are complicated things. Each one is different yet the same. They involve multiple causes, multiple people, multiple circumstances, multiple emotions, but ultimately only two responsible parties. Just the logistics of carrying out an affair are complicated.

The results of an affair are just as complicated as the affair itself – separations, divorce, damaged marriages, depression and suicide, and always long-term emotional pain. Affairs have numerous ways of ending, but they always end in pain.

One thing that is not complicated is the answer to that big question: was it worth it? It is a solid NO!

The affair was exciting and fun, and I genuinely loved my partner. But it came at an unimaginable cost. I never thought I would fall or imagined what the cost would be. If I had only known then what I know now, I would have run the other way when I first met her. I would have run all the way home to my wife and done the hard work that was needed to fix myself and my marriage.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but they are to the affair as an ant is to an elephant. No comparison. I live in fear of doing it again.

Because of my selfish choices, my beloved wife will have to live the rest of her life with the pain I’ve caused. No matter how good I am to her, no matter how much we love each other or how much she trusts me, no matter what new memories we make together, it’s never going to stop hurting. And for what? Three months of excitement and happiness with another woman? No, it wasn’t worth it and I wish I could undo it.

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3 Responses to Was it Worth It?

  1. “I live in fear of doing it again”…I understand completely. At the end of my soul searching, I came to the following realization: that I am capable of doing anything. Even things I thought I would never do.

    Like

  2. Erica M says:

    Did you really ‘love’ her?

    Like

    • Anonyman says:

      I’ve answered this question many times before, but not recently. The Bible says the heart is deceitful, and I absolutely believe that. I think I loved her, but I know I could be just romanticizing it and deceiving myself to make my actions seem somehow more noble or forgivable. What I’ve decided after nearly three years is that it doesn’t matter. I felt like I loved her, regardless of the truth. What matters is not the purity of my feelings (it sounds insane even typing that in the context of an affair) but that I never should have acted upon them.

      Liked by 1 person

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