I get a lot of hypothetical questions starting with “Would you [blank] if [conditional statement]?” Here are the most common with my replies. I’ll add more as I see them.
“Would you have continued having the affair if you hadn’t been caught?”
Yes, I would have. I don’t know for how long. Scarlet and I talked the day before we were caught about how we should end it because we didn’t want to hurt our families. There were a few things (mostly romantic gestures) I wanted to do before we ended it, but after that I was content to end it. Realistically, I don’t think we could have stayed apart for long. We did love each other very much and even with exposure I struggled to make an end of things. The manner in which things ended was horrible but necessary, and as such I view it as a blessing.
“Would you resume the affair or have another if no one ever knew?”
This is a false choice. Someone always knows and usually other people find out too. I don’t think anyone compartmentalizes well enough that they can have a love affair (as opposed to just sex) and not have it suck time, energy, and love from your spouse. Even if you could, I know I am not capable of being pulled in two different directions like that again. Besides, it is wrong. It is betrayal even if your spouse doesn’t know. You can’t sin like that and expect it not to harm you in some way. So, no, I wouldn’t.
“Would you have left your wife if Scarlet had been willing to leave her husband?”
This is an easy but painful one. She did briefly leave her husband for me and I don’t doubt that she was willing to divorce him to be with me. However, I was always clear that I wasn’t going to leave my wife. I admit I fantasized about starting a new life with her. It was tempting, but I knew it was a mistake. Of course, I was going further and further down the rabbit hole, so who knows what I would have eventually done. I’m just glad it stopped when it did.