Do you ever get that feeling in your chest – something between panic and pain? The feeling of depression coming over you? Maybe depression isn’t even the right word. Despair, maybe.
It’s not even triggered by something I can point to. Just a feeling of indescribable sorrow at the futility of life. The faint whisper of voices saying “What’s the use? Don’t even try. It’s you, of course it will fail, of course it will suck. You’ll ruin it just like you always do.”
It hurts, this Siren’s voice. But there’s something familiar about it. Something comforting. It’s calling me to stop trying, to stop living this lie called “Okay.”
I know her voice leads me to a dark place where I shouldn’t go. But part of me wants to go there, too. To go to that familiar place and dream of laying it all aside.
Isle of A Man 
STOP! Those dark voices aren’t doing you any good! Choose more than just Okay. Choose hope, choose happiness, and choose love, the right love. The one that helps you be a better you.
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Praying for you Isle.
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I think I’ve told you this before, but I call it “slipping into the well.” It feels like you are at the bottom of a dark well with no ladder and no way to get out. When I have been seriously depressed I live down there, but there have been other times when I’m doing ok and I will have a day when I just fall into the well unexpectedly. And as awful as it feels, there is that sense of recognition, familiarity, strange comfort in the sadness
But there is a way out, eventually, and it doesn’t take as long as you think. Both periods of serious depression I have had have lasted about 6 months, which is average. If we had interacted in January or February of this year, I was at my worst. Crying every day, in complete misery, I’m not sure I could help you at all. But by June I was doing much better and by August I was great. Right now I am happy and optimistic about the future.
Point of all of this is to say that you don’t control when you go to that dark place. You can make it less dark by going on meds, but I know you have struggled with how to ask for them. But even if you don’t start meds, you will come out of this. It feels like you won’t, but you will. I have faith you will get there and when you do, you will be so happy the you believed in sunny days.
Thinking of you
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What you’ve written in this post so reminds me of my husband. Everything is snowballing for him and he’s spoken of giving up. He things of himself in a very negative light. “Of course, this is happening…it always does” “it never works out for me” etc. Somehow You and He need to change your way of thinking. I realize it can be said easier than done but it’s true. For sure, if you give in to it and think negatively….the result will be negative. Why not try another way? There will always be good days and not so good days. I love the saying “Not every day is good, but there’s something good in every day”! Hang in there….DON’T give in…..keep fighting!!
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Yes, don’t spend so much time looking at the half of the glass that is empty. One’s glass of life is never 100% full, if you living,enjoying and drinking from the best part of it. Savour the taste, we all have those moments that we look the other way (to the dark) just accept it, take a quick look then put that thought away- have you heard of the 90 second rule- Look at all the good and wonderful things in your life they byfar outshine those other ones.
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